This post has been sitting in the queue for sometime…It still fits, though. I will share more as to why I have been absent from this blog later, but I felt like it was time to post again and this is what I chose.
Pretty often I am asked the question, “How do you like living in Maryland?”
It’s one of my least favorite small talk conversations and I still have yet to come up with a suitable answer as many times it has been asked of me.
Each of the two apartments we have lived in the last two years has felt like home. I am thankful that we have been able to have a place of solace in the chaos and busyness of life’s ups and downs. For me as an introvert, it’s really important to have a place for quiet, rest and creativity.
In our time here, we have made friends. It has been a slow process, and while different from the relationships we had in Michigan and the friends we both made in college, I am thankful for the opportunity to connect and get to know people. I can’t say I have friendships where I have truly let people into my heart and trusted them, but I am hopeful I will get there. I am the type to have a few close friends, so the idea that we have several friends that we know on a surface level is still something I am not used to.
I’ve struggled with the transition for some time. I’m content, but a piece of my heart will always be in the Midwest, and I am not sure that will ever change. I hope that someday, a piece of my heart will be here, whether we stay here or move on, but that is just not the case now. I would rather be honest with myself and with those around me, even if it’s hard to say and it isn’t the easy answer.
This is most certainly not the answer anyone hears from me when the question is asked. I usually say, “Sure, we like it.” or “It’s nice to be near DC and the rich history”, which are all true things, but I feel like I am putting up a facade and trying to convince myself that I like it. I don’t dislike it, but I also don’t love it, and I wish I could pin point the reason why I feel this way.
I came across this most well-known passage from Ecclesiastes as I was working on a Bible study and I know it’s not a coincidence that it fits quite well with my thoughts here.
“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-14
There certainly is a time for everything and I think I am in a time of transition that is just lasting much longer than I imagined it would. I think accepting the transition as a part of the journey is where I am at.
I pray that those who have surrounded us in this place that still seems new, would be patient with me as I try to open up and feel comfortable being me in social settings. I think my fear is that if I “plant” myself here, it will hurt too much when it’s time to uproot and move on, as it did when we moved out here.
But I’ve never really let fear keep me from anything, so why would that start now?