I have been contemplating how to write this post for awhile. I am in many transitions in my life right now, one specifically is work-related. Big decisions have been made over the past several months and a few more are happening right now.
For the last few months I have been living in the “in between”. It’s a place that is hard to describe. Some have told me to “Enjoy it.” Others have said, “Don’t look back and regret that the time was wasted.” I’ve taken the advice and for the first time in the awhile, taken care of me, first. I’ve also picked up hobbies that I’ve always wanted to, (like this blog), and done some reading and countless hours of reflection of my identity.
It isn’t an easy place to be. Many of my thoughts drifted to my worth and value. Previously, I was so entrenched in attaching my identity to work and it felt like I had lost a part of myself. How would I regain confidence in my abilities and God-given gifts? I didn’t go overboard with feeling sorry for myself, or anything like that, but I think doubt and fear are pretty normal in a situation like this.
Thankfully, I’ve had a supportive husband, family, friends, peers and mentors that have lifted me up and reaffirmed the gifts that I have been blessed with.
The whole time, God was present. I think I kept distance for awhile, but always felt His presence.
A friend recommended to me this book. I actually started reading it half a year ago, when I was wrestling with a lot of issues and unsure how to proceed. I hope to finish it and be able to reflect even more on the time spent in the “in between.”
I awoke this morning to a verse that provided great comfort, as I have struggled to understand God’s big picture.
“Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.” – Psalm 143:8
As I near the end of this “in between”, (I know there will be many more), I look back at these last several months and realize that I was trusting God, even when I was unsure. I was waking up each morning and giving everything up to Him. He led me to this place I am at and He will continue to do so one day at a time.