My darkness, His light

I know I’ve written about my confirmation verse before, but recently it took on a whole new meaning which lifted me up during a difficult time.

I experience seasonal affective disorder, which is waves of mild depression that come when the seasons change (Ironic for me because I love when we move from summer to fall!).

I could be having a great day and in a moment I will feel like crying or be sad for no reason at all. As someone who takes a lot of time to process before speaking because I want to understand what I am saying and feeling, experiencing SAD is pretty frustrating.

I get embarrassed when it happens in front of people because I don’t like for many people to see me upset and then I can’t really explain why it’s happening.

Recently, it happened and culminated in tears as I was falling asleep. I have many Bible verses memorized, but my go to is my confirmation verse:

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As I was saying it to myself, I realized that in the darkness of my mood, God is my light. In the darkness of my soul, I can’t even fear myself because Jesus is bigger and brighter than what’s going on inside of me.

In the weakness of trying to figure out what’s wrong, He is stronger than that feeling of helplessness that has covered me.

This verse addressed every doubt I had in my heart. And I fell asleep with that comfort.

I know that the feelings of doubt and fear will return. But knowing I have God on my side to be my light of hope and strength, when I feel very weak, makes it much easier to endure.

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