Many times over the last month or so, I have attempted to sit down and write a post.
But, I’ve stopped myself every time because I thought…
“That’s too personal, I can’t share that.”
“I’m afraid of the response I will receive If I share this.”
I certainly agree that there is such thing as over sharing or passing on details that are inappropriate for more than your closest friends and family.
But I knew it was something that was making me feel so vulnerable that I could not even write it down in my personal journal. of which no one else would see.
So why I am I writing now?
I came out of the fog and gained some clarity. The value of what has been experienced is worth sharing.
Depression is real.
The darkness that spirals in your mind…
Feeling trapped and down trodden…
Hopelessness… is real.
I know that the seasonal and situational depression I experience is temporary compared to the long bouts that many close to me experience on a more regular basis. My sadness lasted only a short time, while someone close to me is experiencing something much deeper and darker for a longer time.
As my spouse told me this week, his battle is my battle too…and it’s something that I have every right to talk to with those I choose…that trust is everything to me.
As I reached out to some dear friends, ready to share a little more about what had been going on in our lives, at least half of the handful I talked to had their own experience with depression, for a reason unique to their own lives.
I discovered that whether you directly are dealing with it, or someone close to you is, it’s a very lonely battle because there is nothing specific that anyone can do to help you. Feelings of guilt when people reach out and there’s no sufficient answer to their questions.
As I gained the courage to share, just the simple texting and email writing, lifted some of the burden of what we had been experiencing.
The best way to be supportive in these difficult situations is just be willing to listen, whether it’s a face to face conversation, phone call or texting. My current reality is that any verbal conversations still seem to be exhausting, but texting has been a life saver.
This week we were raw from conversations and emotions that were intense and deep. As I now look back, there is light and hope and purpose and I am thankful for the low times.
Depression isn’t something to be cured, but it can be managed and it is possible to live with it. As our journey through it continues, I am thankful for the storms, because the dark clouds will move on.