I preface this post with the acknowledgment that I have an AMAZING support system and community of care in this season. I can freely write about this topic because I have a safe group to process with and I’m so thankful for that safety net. I’m doing pretty good right now, but there’s peace in processing through my writing and I know there is power in sharing our stories to help others, too.
I started writing this post on an anniversary of a difficult event and almost a week later, I finally have processed enough to share.
It’s been a lonely season of grief. In the midst of loss, God has revealed so much to gain and I trust He will continue to do that for me.
I’ve lost a voice of influence after speaking up with the truth.
God always promises to be with us, and in this particular scenario he told me He never would leave my side. I’ve felt His presence with me on the good days and the lonely ones.
I’ve lost a Christian community that both relied on and nurtured me for almost 8 years.
I’ve rediscovered the support of the DCE community and reminded that I was called to be a support to others too. I’ve also re-learned how to participate in worship without constantly being at work.
I’ve lost a career path that I thought would take me through many more decades of life and I’ve lost a calling to a specific place, where God used specific gifts He gave me to thrive as a servant leader.
Yet, God is showing me how to use my gifts in a variety of ways both for the Church and with my neighbors.
I’ve lost belief that a local Christian community and leaders can deal with conflict in a healthy way: transparent and authentic, caring for all involved.
These things aren’t in our control, we must trust God to work in the lives of other sinners, just as he works in our own lives.
I’ve lost professional and personal relationships that were centered in a common space.
Yet, God has helped me to realize what true friendship looks like and the relationships that are worth spending time to nurture.
I’ve lost any closure beyond my own control.
God has reminded me that I am not in control. He has reminded me of the resources and tools to help me take care of myself. He has also given me time, which is a precious gift for progress in healing.
I’ve lost the ability to believe conversations and actions because I was told to believe that fear had taken over my faith.
God has provided dear friends to listen and validate my experience and the emotions that I feel.
I’ve lost the ability to provide for my family and am experiencing the challenges that come from part time work and minimum wage pay.
God continues to provide peace in the midst of financial stress. We take it one day at a time, and I live by the prayer “Give us this day, our daily bread.”
Even though each loss cuts so deep, I know it’s only temporary. It’s been just four months and so often these wounds need more time to heal.
In the midst of an especially difficult season for so many of us, I don’t seek your pity. I seek to share my story and empower others to do the same. If we don’t share our feelings of loneliness, we do a disservice to the validity of emotions and having them when we feel them. I’m so glad Jesus shared his emotions, and in turn, ministered to so many people.